Perhaps my first true love is the love that ruined my perception of what love and relationships are. My first true love is Hip-Hop.. As cliche as it is the idea is constantly proven as I give up so much to be apart of his culture. As Culture continues to inspire us in our everyday lives it is only natural that our lives are indicative of this culture. Especially since my life is surrounded by it. I have been attached to my turnatables for about 10 years in which have led me to the dopest, hood, commercial underground niteclubs for the last 5 years of my life. I currently am on the radio and have been for 3 years.. Fired and Rehired in my first 3 years of it. And in my quest to pursue a career with my true LOVE... I have met many men in those years. The only way in which I can begin to understand the interaction between men and woman had been a very skeptical one. The vantage point of my favorite rappers have tarnished the idealized childlike view. As a teenager I listened to that Eastcoast, thats my down ass bitch, Lost Boyz, Nature Young Love, DmX what type of games, All the way to the slab, Space age Pimpin, You hoes lay it down, To Outkast Southernplaylistic, Twsita playing with emotions and po-pimpin... But something happened... Lil Kim Dropped HARDCORE... And the feminist perspective came in such a grimey way. Don't get me wrong I never denounced the factor that that I loved Talib and Mos.. But i never believed teh fellas like them no matter how hard I tried. For years I wanted to be a "BAD BITCH" and granted career wise I feel that I have acheived that, by gaining success by keeping my legs closed..
However what happens when I decide to open my legs?
Sometimes I think damn what is it I want?? Most people that I know are married are miserable except maybe 3 couples I know personally.
I do get lonely, and definitely have an insatiable desire for my sexual fantasy to come full circle. The Scorpion with in me lives. Yet I know sex and art are cousins.
Most of all what do men want from me? Is it just Pussy? Attention? Rights to Possession?
Freud says that we interact with people based on our childhood and parental relationships. So to further investigate this I will mention my Parental past.
My Father was absent most my life after a divorce from my innocent and naive mother. He is rumored to be a drug dealer but is known to be a well known hustler with about 9 other kids in which whom I have met about 6 and only keep in touch with 1. I got re-aquainted with my father at age 17 and he died when I was 19.
My mother has been emotionally detached from me since she decided to remarry when I was 10, I moved out at 17 and been on my own ever since.
With that being said in my eyes nothing or nobody is ever garaunteed. However, it is important to understand, and experience people to the fullest enjoy and then move on gracefully.
These are the stories of my dating life.. I hope you enjoy
